I volunteered up at my son’s school today — and I worked with some of the other volunteer mothers. They were all pretencious bitches with their quadruple shot latte’s, cell phones set to the latest Justin Timberlake single, and too much eye makeup. They are also a good ten years younger than myself — and I don’t club anymore, while they still do.
This is going to be a looong school year.
I laughed so hard I almost pee’d my pants…
http://video.yahoo.com/video/play?vid=1197846
The lyrics below…
Get up now
Get up now
Get up out of bed
Wash your face
Brush your teeth
Comb your sleepy head
Here’s your clothes
And your shoes
Hear the words I said
Get up now
Get up and make your bed
Are you hot?
Are you cold?
Are you wearing that?
Where’s your books and your lunch and your homework at?
Grab your coat and your gloves and your scarf and hat
Don’t forget you got to feed the cat
Each your breakfast
The experts tell us it’s the most important meal of all
Take your vitamins so you will grow up one day to be big and tall
Did you remember the orthodontist will be seeing you at three today?
Don’t forget your piano lesson is this afternoon
So you must play
Don’t shovel
Chew slowly
But hurry
The bus is here
Be careful
Come back here
Did you wash behind your ears?
Play outside
Don’t play rough
Would you just play fair?
Be polite
Make a friend
Don’t forget to share
Work it out
Wait your turn
Never take a dare
Get along
Don’t make me come down there
Clean your room
Fold your clothes
Put your stuff away
Make your bed
Do it now
Do we have all day?
Were you born in a barn?
Would you like some hay
Can you even hear a word I say?
Answer the phone
Get Off the phone
Don’t sit so close
Turn it down
No texting at the table
No more computer time tonight
Your iPod’s my iPod if you don’t listen up
Where you going and with whom and what time do you think you’re coming home?
Say thank you, please, excuse me
Makes you welcome everywhere you roam
You’ll appreciate my wisdom
Someday when you’re older and you’re grown
Can’t wait ‘til you have a couple little children of your own
You’ll thank me for the counsel I gave you so willingly
But right now
I thank you NOT to roll your eyes at me
Close your mouth when you chew
Would appreciate
Take a bite
Maybe chew
Of the stuff you hate
Use your fork
Do not you burp
Or I’ll set you straight
Eat the food I put upon your plate
Get an egg in the door
Don’t get smart with me
Get a Grip
Get up here I’ll count to 3
Get a job
Get a life
Get a PhD
Get a [???]
I don’t care who started it
You’re grounded until your 36
Get your story straight
And tell the truth for once for heaven’s sake
And if all your friends jumped off a cliff
Would you jump too?
If I’ve said it once, I’ve said at least a thousand times before that
You’re too old to act this way
It must be your father’s DNA
Look at me when I am talking
Stand up straighter when you walk
A place for everything
And everything must be in place
Stop crying or I’ll give you something real to cry about
Oh!
Brush your teeth
Wash your face
Get your PJs on
Get in bed
Get a hug
Say a prayer with Mom
Don’t forget
I love you
**KISS**
And tomorrow we will do this all again because a mom’s work never ends
You don’t need the reason why
Because
Because
Because
Because
I said so
I said so
I said so
I said so
I’m the Mom
The mom
The mom
The mom
The mom
Ta-da
Oh goody the rains are here again. The dark kind. The so chilly it goes through your bones kind. And the sad part is we’ll see off and on throughout the entire year. Even in August for cripes sakes when my tomatoes are supposed to be at their peak. A stupid ass horrible cold rain will come howling through and I will stand out there and say “Okay WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!?”
I hate the rain. And I hate the Pacific Northwest. There I said it. Even though I was born and raised in these parts I don’t like them. I have become a midwest kinda girl — I fell in love with Wisconsin and Minnesota and wish to hell I could go back there to live. That’ll never happen. No way will I get my spouse to move. No way in hell. Not unless the best job offer ever came that paid him over 250k a year, and moving expenses and a signing bonus.
So during our dark and gloomy rain storm today the lawyer next door pops over and says — “Oh hi Diva I need a favor.” I was thinking “Okay I’ll blow you, you Brad Pitt look a like.” However I said instead, “Oh what’s do you need?” He went on to tell me that he had two itty bitty old people who needed me to witness the signing of their wills. For some reason I was kind of grossed out by that but I said okay. A few minutes later they came wobbling over and I did the deed. I really really wanted to see who was getting what, but I realize that’s kind of tacky.
Instead I said — “Okay you two kids, you better live at least 50 more years” They laughed and laughed. The lawyer rolled his eyes at me and smiled.
I decided right then and there if I were to ever blow him, I’d bite his balls.
……that when I originally locked up my journal I got laughed at. So I switched diaries writing some place new, the anonimity is very cool — and now the majority of my old reads have locked diaries or journals…..
So my idea wasn’t so bad eh?
We had another note come home today. This time from the “Playground Attendant” I already hate her. This is going to be such a fun school year. I can feel it in my bones.
My son came home with is very first “naughty note” from school.
“Dear Mrs. Diva, Zeus had a bit of trouble keeping his hands off another student when they were at the drinking fountain. I had to go out into the hall three times to remind him to keep his hands to himself.
Maybe you could remind him about classroom rules and keeping his hands to himself. - Thank you “Ms. Teacher”
We had the hands to yourself conversation, as well as following the rules, and above all listneing to the teacher. I asked him exactly what he had done and he said “All I was doing Mom was the cha-cha” I looked at him, cocked my head to the side and said “Huh?” “You know — the cha-cha. I jump on Hyden’s back and say “cha-cha-cha-” and his face goes into the water, it’s fun” “Fun for you or him”, I said. “We both thought it was hilarious” He replied. He now knows the cha-cha isn’t okay. Good God/
After more talking come to find out that when Zeus was out on the playground the little Kindy’s were sliding down the slide and he was body checking them and they were bouncing off of him and off the slide. They all thought that was great fun.
That’s what I get for having a four feet six, 90 lb first grader. He’s solid like a rock.
Demolition Man? All the resturants were Taco Bell? This got me thinking. Okay so 50% of the women in the US walk around (me included) with these nice nails: 
They are all the rage — mine are rounded not square like the young chicks, but like most I got to the salon every two weeks and have this done. And most salons are owned by the Vietnamese. I don’t understand a word they say as they chatter amongst themselves, which is fine by me. I get my toes done as well.
Then there’s 
Starbucks — on every freaking corner, at least in my neck of the woods. Gone are the neat little Espresso stands, they have all been gobbled up by Corporate Starbucks. Scary.
You can’t go anywhere without seeing either an 
IPOD or an 
IPHONE
It’s just freaks me out the trends we have embraced. We chat with our friends online — all.the.time. We have the capability to shop for food, groceries, clothes, jewlery, — you name it we got it on line.
I wonder what would happen if we went back to simple living — even if for just a month?
What freaks me out the most is minding my own business and dreaming a perfectly fine dream and then during the dream I realize the people I dream about are dead. It happens the same every time. I am either having a conversation with the dead person or see them or something — and then it’s almost like I hear scary music and I realize they are all dead and I hear myself say — “Oh My God THEY ARE ALL DEAD!!!!!”
This time in my dream I was standing in my Nanna’s home. My Nonna Anne was sitting in the chair in front of the window. My son was trying to unwind some string. I was trying to help him. Nonna fussed at me for some reason, I am not sure why. She was also trimming her hair while she was talking to me. It was odd. And I realized — holy shit you died in 1995, and it’s 2007. I felt uncomfortable so I stepped out onto the deck.
Out on the deck were my two grandfathers and two great grandfathers, and one step grandfather. They are all dead except the step. We all talked and laughed. And I did a double take and said — “Jesus you are all dead” They were like “Yeah and?”
My parents were there — and I was worried they were dead. They assured me they were not. So I went back into the house back to the back bedroom and saw my greatgrandmother back there, she spoke to me as well.
Nanna wasn’t there, and neither was my stepgrandfathers companion — this is where things get complicated. Nanna was married to my stepgrandfather for 40 years. She died. A year later my step began a relationship with my former spouses mother. Made things sticky for a long time. She died in April of this year.
I woke up feeling bizarre. I still do.
I was reading CNN this morning. There was an article about Charlie Sheen and his ex-wife. They are fighting over their children — again. The article went on to say “Richards said the children have resisted spending the night at Sheen’s home and “often returned sad and upset.” And she’s also concerned that Sheen engages in “inappropriate behavior” on the Internet and doesn’t understand how that affects “the child-rearing of two young daughters.”
My first thought was damn this must be a slow media day. And then I thought about it more — and actually got a tad irritated. I know how angry I would be if my divorce from my ex-husband had been fodder for the world to read. This is private stuff — and just because the Sheen’s are public figures doesn’t give the media the right to publish this stuff.
Where do we draw the line? I know for me I don’t buy tabloid crap. Not at all not ever. I used to be a huge fan of People magazine, but I don’t really even read that anymore. I actually still have a subscription I received as a gift last year, but it goes in the recycle bin the moment it arrives at the house. That’s how serious I have become in regards to not buying into that crap.
Are there not more important things in the world that are more news worthy?
It’s Monday and I have the Blah Blah’s. You know the apathey that bubbles up and oozes through your core being.
“Oatmeal or Eggs” — I don’t care.
“Black slacks with the red silk or sweats” — I don’t care.
“Crocs, tennis shoes, or slips” – I don’t care.
“Coffee, tea, or diet coke” – I don’t care.
“World of Warcraft or nothing” – I don’t care.
“Fish, Chicken, or Steak” – I don’t care.
See? I hate the Monday blah blah’s. Just hate em.
I think my get up and go, got up and went. Summer’s gone, Fall is here, and with that brings the gloomy mornings. I hauled out my light — and am sitting in front of it. Too bad it doesn’t give me a tan. Maybe that would help me with my Monday morning blah blah’s.
The doctor and I can’t agree on the right medication for this. So right know I am white knuckling it.
*Sigh*
Monday morning blah blah’s — blah.
Recent Comments