Oh goody the rains are here again. The dark kind.  The so chilly it goes through your bones kind.  And the sad part is we’ll see off and on throughout the entire year.  Even in August for cripes sakes when my tomatoes are supposed to be at their peak.  A stupid ass horrible cold rain will come howling through and I will stand out there and say “Okay WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!?”

I hate the rain.  And I hate the Pacific Northwest.  There I said it.  Even though I was born and raised in these parts I don’t like them.  I have become a midwest kinda girl — I fell in love with Wisconsin and Minnesota and wish to hell I could go back there to live.  That’ll never happen.  No way will I get my spouse to move. No way in hell.  Not unless the best job offer ever came that paid him over 250k a year, and moving expenses and a signing bonus.

So during our dark and gloomy rain storm today the lawyer next door pops over and says — “Oh hi Diva I need a favor.”  I was thinking “Okay I’ll blow you, you Brad Pitt look a like.” However I said instead, “Oh what’s do you need?”  He went on to tell me that he had two itty bitty old people who needed me to witness the signing of their wills.  For some reason I was kind of grossed out by that but I said okay.  A few minutes later they came wobbling over and I did the deed.  I really really wanted to see who was getting what, but I realize that’s kind of tacky. 

 Instead I said — “Okay you two kids, you better live at least 50 more years”  They laughed and laughed.  The lawyer rolled his eyes at me and smiled.

I decided right then and there if I were to ever blow him, I’d bite his balls.